Part 1

*ok, I am finally sitting down and writing about all things diabetes..life got insanely busy the week i came back from CWD-FFL, almost a month ago! lemme tell ya, it hasn't stopped! but i am making time to write before i forget everything! (impossible to forget everything but it sounded dramatic) *if this seems a bit choppy and pieced together, well, it is. it has been written over several days and many interruptions. please forgive me*

first of all, i have to say, i miss all my new friends immensely! it has been so fun reading blogs and twitter and FB posts because after meeting these amazing people, i hear their voices in my head (in a good way!) when i read their writing. trust me, it makes it even better.

i am going to start at the beginning. (*sings* let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...)

my mom was involved in CWD when it first started, shortly after i was diagnosed, when it was a few families needing support, new information and a place to vent. (DOC!) i remember looking at the website (oh how far it has come) and thinking “wow, these kids are just like me!”and it was awesome!

as much as we wanted to, we were never able to attend a conference but it was on our list of things to do. but over the years CWD faded out of the picture for our family, and by the time is may have been a possibility again, attending a conference was not on my list of priorities. heck, diabetes wasn't really high up there either....and so years went by, a1cs crept higher, and i kept on pretending...then through a moment of diabetes

SICK AND TIRED AND COMPLETELY FED-UPNESS

i found the DOC. the first blog i found was kerri's , kerri led me to jess who led me to kim and it spiderweb-ed from there.

suddenly i wasn't the only one.

i wasn't the only one who was up dealing with midnight highs or cgm trouble or wondering where to hide my pump in a dress. there are friends who get it!

my in real life friends and family try to get it. they really do and they are great at it! they know when i am slurring words and need some juice or that me snapping at them was most likely a high talking. my sister helps put my cgm in hard to reach places and always has an ear out for middle of the night alarms..they try really hard and i love them for it.

but sometimes you just need “your own kind”, other people who have busted pancreas' (will someone please tell me the correct plural form?), who have been around the block a time or two..or 50 (who's counting?)

enter CWD, again. i pulled the url from the dusty recesses of my mind and logged on, curious to see what was going on in the world of Children With Diabetes. WOW, had that website changed! there were thousands of members, international conferences, study reports upon study reports and i must say i was a little overwhelmed! i clicked on some of the conference reports from years past and was amazed. then i got excited. i decided i wanted to go. what better way of celebrating 15 years of living with D than to go FFL!? i can't think of any!

.....until i saw how much it was going to cost. there was NO way i could ever afford that. no way, no how....

drat....Scratch that....Oh well..maybe next year...

then i found the Diabetes Scholars link. i checked it out and was excited that maybe i did have a chance of going after all. but as i was reading the requirements i started thinking there was no way i would be picked. i had been in diabetes burnout for years, pretending that i didn't have it! there was no way they were going to pick me over someone who has been advocating, participated and working hard to do the best they can! Sigh

i debated with myself for weeks...mom and every other person i talked to kept saying i needed to just do it, the worst they could say was no...but i just kept procrastinating....and procrastinating...and a little more procrastinating..

it was two nights before the deadline to have the three essays submitted and i was up with a nasty high while everyone else was asleep. so i started writing and writing, the words just gushed out. i felt better.

even if i never submitted them (i was still debating at that point) i felt better. i had my mom and aunt read them the next day, made some corrections, rewrote them once and then again until i was satisfied with my work.

i submitted my essays the day of the deadline...and then promptly forgot about entering.

speed ahead a few weeks- i was at work, wrangling some goats and little kids in the hot texas sun, when my phone buzzed in my pocket. i regained order with the livestock..oh and the kids, and pulled out my phone. one new email, “ congratulations! you have been selected to received a scholarship to CWD-FFL 2011!” NO WAY! NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY! AHHH! I WON!?!? REALLY!??!

i was shaking with excitement as i called mom..and everyone else i knew to inform them that i had won! 

*disclaimer* i was not asked to blog about CWD-FFL or the Diabetes Scholars Foundation. the thoughts, words and opinions are all mine.*